Santa Clause Probably Isn't Coming To Town This Year - Or Ever

I’ve had my fair share of drama in life but waking up to see Santa get run over by a (lot of) reindeer was not how I expected my night to go. I was just in the middle of my 74 ½ step nighttime skin care routine when I head the loudest thud on my roof. I wasn’t surprised considering the fact that I live in a shady neighborhood where kids play with crocodiles, so I just assumed it was one of those strange events. Until the sound started moving towards my chimney. Now, if that was actually a croc, I didn’t want it in my house. So, I did what any sensible person would – I ran outside, took off one of my shoes to throw at those little gremlins, and lo behold what do I see? A fat man in a red suit, looking like he just escaped prison, trying to fit into my chimney and right above him, levitating like they were possessed, 8 reindeer and a sleigh. Like any reasonable person would, I demanded the man come down to have a quick chat about trespassing. Now this is where things get a little confusing so bear with me. Apparently, the reindeer have some sort of automatic timer that was programmed into them by a “Mrs. Clause”, and they keep moving according to that timer regardless of weather or not the fat man was on the sleigh. Coincidentally, that timer went off as soon as they touched the ground. So here I am in my night gown with a panda face mask on watching as 8 reindeer take off at approximately 4,705,882km/h (and yes, I crunched the numbers), trampling right over the “Santa Clause” figure. I then had to witness a very chubby man with pockets full of cookies attempt to run to catch up to those reindeer, after he tried (and failed – I had to help) to pick himself up. Deciding that I severely needed to find a new place to live, I went back to my skin care routine after I hid my box of double chocolate chip cookies on the lowest shelf I had in my house.  




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